I have tried so hard to get over him. I have been with other, more minty lovers and enjoyed the refreshing, peppery tang they left in my mouth.
I thought I was strong. But I was wrong. I should not have underestimated his cunning whiles.
He waited until I was at my most weak and vulnerable, then he gazed at me from an unexpected position under the coffee table with those 'spark me up' eyes.
I thought I would give in to his charm after a few glasses of wine, or a fine meal. I thought he would seduce me as he did back when we were lovers. But he was cleverer than that. He waited until my friends were not there to protect me.
I was alone and confused. He said he just wanted to talk, no strings attached. It seemed reasonable, maybe I had been cruel, cutting him out of my life like that. What about his feelings, surely he had them too?
We gazed at each other from across the room, I could feel my desire for him welling up inside me. Then, like lovers in a film, I ran towards him as he stoically waited for my forgiving embrace. I took my dirty lover and lead him outside to the star-spangled alleyway and took him into me with sordid glee!
Oh! The pleasure of those naughty moments we shared that night. How could something so wrong feel so right? In my lonely moment of need, there he was, my temptation, holding out his smoky hand and pleading "Come, join me", and Oh! How we fused together that night!
The next day, I felt dirty, but alarmed myself by relishing the sensation and counting the hours until I could be reunited with my dirty pleasure. Finally I ran home, into his welcoming arms and although we clung together, our absence having made my heart fonder, something was amiss. Something of the fire had died. Yet I refused to believe it was so, and had him twice on the stairs.
We quarrelled later that night. I was heart- broken. All my weeks of trying to get over him were shattered in the space of two lonely nights, and I was back where I started. Stuck in a rut with someone who would ultimately only hurt me and bring me pain. Yet despite knowing this, I still wanted him so much.
Tonight we went for a few drinks, we always get on better when we are drunk. I know this is not a good basis for a relationship, but what can I do? He is in my bed, waiting for me now. I can't bring myself to tell him that it is over, I know he will get angry and try to force himself into me.
If I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me
Go on now, go, walk out the door
just turn around now 'cause you're not welcome any more
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
did ya think I'd crumble
did ya think I'd lay down and die
oh no! not I!
I will survive
as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive I will survive
(hey-hey)"
