Syllabub Symptoms

A belated response to suggestions from "Bog-U-Like", 21 December 2006

The residents at number 36a were enjoying a spot of their favourite seventeenth, eighteenth and nineteenth century dessert/punch, lemon syllabub. The whipped, creamy EGGs slipped down their throats with the greatest of ease, the lemony zest making their taste-buds stand to attention.

They had been at the syllabub for quite some time, when a strange miasma crept in through the window, They began to feel dizzy, lightheaded, nauseous, drowsy, euphoric, constipated, change in mood, mentally foggy, anxious, spasms in the ureter, depressed of respiration and experienced a nasty rash.

"Gosh!" said syllabub lover number one. "I feel feel dizzy, lightheaded, nauseous, drowsy, euphoric, constipated, change in mood, mentally foggy, anxious, spasms in the ureter, depressed of respiration and am experiencing a nasty rash!"

"That's odd!" cried syllabub lover number two, "I am also experiencing dizziness, lightheadedness, nausea, drowsiness, euphoria, constipation, change in mood, mental fogginess, anxiety, spasms in the ureter, depressed respiration and a nasty rash!"

'Surely this could not get any odder' they thought, but this was just the beginning. Their friend, syllabub lover number three also claimed to be suffering from dizziness, lightheadedness, nausea, drowsiness, euphoria, constipation, change in mood, mental fogginess, anxiety, spasms in the ureter, depressed respiration and a nasty rash.

Try as they might, they just could not understand what was making them all feel this way, until number one said: "It must be that nasty miasma that crept through the window that is causing these awful feelings".

But number two shook his head. "That wasn't Miasma, that was Gorehead, the vocalist of the Austrian death metal band from the 90's, that went by the name of Miasma. I don't know what he was doing crawling through our window when we were trying to enjoy a spot of syllabub."

They thought it would be wise to locate Mr Gorehead, and found him collapsed on the floor of the kitchen, with the tell-tale thick white mustache that always gives away a lover of syllabub. He rolled around on the kitchen floor and groaned that he was experiencing dizziness, lightheadedness, nausea, drowsiness, euphoria, constipation, change in mood, mental fogginess, anxiety, spasms in the ureter, depressed respiration and a nasty rash.

A piece of paper was clasped in his hand, it appeared to be the information commonly included in boxes of medicine. Number three took it from the death metal vocalist's hand.

"Good Lord!" exclaimed number three, whose turn it had been to make the syllabub on this occasion, "We must all be experiencing the symptoms of the hydrocodone lozenges I put into the syllabub! I thought it would mix well with the white wine that is a central ingredient in this beloved dessert of ours! However, reading this information, I can see what a sorry mistake I have made, it would appear that the combination of alcohol and hydrocodone causes symptoms of dizziness, lightheadedness, nausea, drowsiness, euphoria, constipation, change in mood, mental fogginess, anxiety, spasms in the ureter, depressed respiration and a nasty rash."

And, thus, with the help of the vocalist from 90's Austrian band, Miasma, did they learn the error of their ways. But after the syllabub symptoms passed, and they no longer felt dizzy, lightheaded, nauseous, drowsy, euphoric, constipated, change in mood, mentally foggy, anxious, spasms in the ureter, depressed respiration or a nasty rash, they relayed the story at many a virgin-syllabub party, laughing about it heartily with their new-found friend, Gorehead.

This blog was brought to you with more than a little help from Wikepedia, and some slightly brain-addled poetic-licence.

Off Your Trolley!

Having been stripped of my innocence by our stand-up comedian landlord, I happily bounded in the direction of splishy-splashy, and looked forward to saying "hello" to Trolly. Trolly lives betwixt pub and Steven (Stephen? i am not sure), and has often played a part in post public house mayhem. Although he does has a tendancy to inflict blood, as Jon's Knees and Chloe's elbows can testify.

Well, I craned my neck around the corner in anticipation of seeing Trolley, but instead my eye fell on a large glob of foam.

Where was Trolley?

He had been replaced by a verminous young man and his lady friend. Said couple were looking rather worse for wear, what with his foaming mouth and her wandering eye. It was rather a surprise, for my companions and I, to find ourselves looking at this, frankly, unattractive pair, and not at Trolley.

But fret not dear reader! This hardly stopped our splishy-splashy, blood-spilling fun that we hold so dear of a Friday!

The unusual young man wanted to have fun at the end of his hard-working week too, and obliged one of my companions with a swift fist in the face. But the ladies were not to be left out either, oh no! There was something for everyone on this night! The gentleman's companion invited a lady member of our happy party to a touch of feminine hair-pulling and throat-grabbing.

After this, the evening was a blur of abandon, everyone taking their turn at this delightful pass-time. The lovely couple were even so generous as to invite along some of their well-rounded friends and family members, to prolong all the fun. There was so many people to kick, shove, haul across curbstones and punch in the face, we could have gone on all night!

However, sadly, all good things must come to an end, and, Trolley (thankfully) forgotten, we skipped off home to drink tea and relax in the falsetto voices of mice.

Anamalistic

Friday:

• Wore pig-tails to the pub.
• Pigglyfish website is born into the farmyard, amidst much sqeaking and splishy-splashing.
  

Saturday:

• Regretted wearing pig-tails to pub, due to Landlord's beastial love of "pulling" pig's tails.
• Primitive side explores rat-face's girlfriend's hair, blood, bruises, sweat and tears.
• Enjoy singing mice.

Sunday:

• Cart Moo, minus Cow, around a pet shop.
• Fall in love with a rabbit or three.
• Wonder if it is feasible to keep afore-mentioned rabbits and a velvety turtle in the bath.
• Learn how sheep, chickens, cows and pigs make their way from the farm to the after-life of my belly.

Monday:

• Have pig-balls in my belly.